Hi, I’m from Germany and I have completed my B.Sc. in Media Informatics at the start of the year.
I am struggling with finding deeper “purpose” and meaning in what I do and I come here to ask for advice.
My entire life I have been kind of a computer nerd and in school I realized my talent for coding. I then went on to pursue an apprenticeship as IT businessman at a big retail company but I didn’t find fulfillment there. It was mostly dealing with systems administration, particularly in SAP, and didn’t envolve coding at all.
I decided I need to dig deeper and started to study Media Informatics. I believed this to be a good choice since I would be able to combine coding with creative design. But then again, I was always very bad at arts or tinkering, this creative stuff. Only thing I excelled in was creative writing, and well, coding. I enjoy beautiful design, though.
I decided to study web development in my free time more deeply because it seemed like the most practical approach. I got particularly interested in Blockchain, I kinda fell for the hype of 2017 and lost a lot of money but I believed in the technology and implications of it. So I decided to use my interest and talent and I landed a job as working Student as a Blockchain Engineer.
When I was there I quickly realized how low my technical knowledge actually was. My mates were far more proficient than me. I ended up specializing mostly in Frontend stuff, because the backend and blockchain stuff was over my head.
Because of this experience, I decided to focus more on the Frontend side and after my graduation, I landed a job as a Junior Frontend Engineer for an E-Commerce Platform Provider. This job made me feel more comfortable, because it was more appropriate for my skill level. But I kinda missed the deeper purpose that I felt when working on the Blockchain stuff.
Now the company is basically bankrupt thanks to COVID-19. I therefore have to find a new job just a couple months after beginning.
Now I am having kind of an existential crisis. I don’t know which path to go. I have been working myself into more backend and cloud stuff but just foundational knowledge without much practice. I am solid in Frontend Development, but something inside me screams that this isn’t what I want to do forever. I like the work itself, designing and implementing user interfaces and features. That’s not the problem. But it feels dull at times and pointless.
Like, I am creating websites and apps, but it doesn’t really feel like I’m actually achieving something profound. It’s just digital pixels appearing on the user’s screen. There is no deeper meaning, nothing groundbreaking, it’s just a job.
I have been thinking of moving to other fields like Machine Learning. But this would mean all my built-up knowledge on web development has been for waste. And I don’t want to be hopping from one thing to the next until I’m bored again.
So to summarize, I like the work itself, the coding, the creation of cool User Experience and new Features. I also like digging into new technology and learning. But I am missing an inner drive, a deeper meaning, a clear goal what I want to achieve. I don’t want to waste my life.
Do you have any thoughts, inspiration, ideas about this? Have you ever experienced the same thing?
Thanks in Advance.