I am unaccountably proud of this and I thought I would share.
puts "How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie-roll center of a tootsie pop?"
user_num = Integer gets.chomp
if user_num < 0
print "Congratulations on your candy shaped black hole."
elsif user_num > 0
puts "Your guess is as good as mine."
if user_num == 0
print "Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker."
if user_num > 9000
print "IT'S OVER 9000!"
print "It's almost over 9000."